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What to Look for in a Partner If You Have Anxiety Disorder

What to Look for in a Partner If You Have Anxiety Disorder


We all crave love, but we all know that it is not easy to find love.

It’s even harder when you have an anxiety disorder.

So, what should you look for a partner if you have an anxiety disorder?

Before we start off, let’s unpack what anxiety disorder is.

No matter what anyone tells you, it’s not all in your head.

Anxiety disorders are a real thing.

About 40 million Americans get diagnosed with it every year.

Often caused by stress, nervousness and at times, childhood trauma, anxiety disorder can lower your self-esteem and lead to an inferiority complex.

People with anxiety disorder already have enough of the dark side to drive them up the
wall, they don’t need to make matters worse by dating narcissists, self-righteous and
abusive people.

When it comes to relationships, Here’s what you need to look for in a partner:
        1.      The ability to understand and accept you as you are

Remember those times when you had to go out to a party at a friend's place but, your anxiety kicked in and ruined everything?

You were insecure about yourself, maybe ended up crying, thinking about how you’re going
to be judged or embarrassed?

In such a scenario, you need a partner who understands and accepts you for you.

You want someone who will prioritize you over others, even if it means they have to cancel
their plans.

Yes, they need to understand at this particular time you need to be the focus and as such
you need someone who puts your needs over the needs of others.

Your partner should make an effort to understand that your anxiety is a part of you and it
can only be cured with empathy and love.

        2.      The ability to be your lighthouse in a stormy night

"When the storm comes out and the rain starts to pour, everyone seeks for a lighthouse.
But only a few find it."

Panic attacks are awful, and unfortunately, are one of the things people with an anxiety
disorder usually have to deal with.

When this is happening people often faint, feel sick and may even have a hard time breathing.

In this case, your lighthouse is yourself but also your significant other.

A person who can’t understand these actions, or thinks that you’re just making all this up in your head probably won't be able to tolerate it in the long run.

They have the potential to either turn abusive or to leave you when you need them most. But, a person who is understanding and is prepared to be your lighthouse will stand with you through the storm.

They will stand with you through thick and thin and that is the kind of person you need  in your life.

         3.      The never say die attitude

Speaking of never say die attitude, one character that comes to my mind is Naruto Uzumaki.

If you haven’t heard about this story or the anime series, we suggest you do.

Naruto is the story of a boy who had nothing.

He was alone, ostracised and hated by everyone. But, he later grew up to be a man who had everything.

How did he do it?

Well his ninja way explains it better than anything else:

"I never give up and I never go back on my word. That is my nindo, my ninja way."

While Naruto is a fictional character, you need someone with that sort of attitude in real life.

A person who is gutsy and does not give up easily, someone who is least likely to give up on you.

A person like that will put up with everything you throw at them and still stand by you.

That is the kind of partner you need in your life. And this brings us to our next point…

        4.      The ability to be kind

Kindness is an underrated virtue. Especially these days, when people are easily labelled.

Kind people have to deal with the most heartbreaks and are often used and abused by narcissists. As a result, they end up faking a rough exterior, limit the number of friends, and keep mostly to themselves.

So no the world has not lost its kind people, it is just that some of the kind people out  there may have turned their backs on the world.

However, if you are a person with an anxiety disorder you need some of this kindness and to be treated with respect, not abuse.

In this case, you need to find someone who is not afraid to wear their heart on their sleeve for you.

        5      The inability to let go  

Remember the old philosophy that said: "If you love someone you let them go.

If they come back to you then they love you too." That might not work in your case.

If they let you go, you could end up being more miserable than you were before.

You probably will have moments that you spend pondering over many different thoughts inside your head.

Some of them are happy thoughts, but others, not so much.

The happy thoughts are the ones you want to focus on even when it’s hard and yes, there
will be moments where it’s hard to be happy.

This is why you need someone to hold you close and melt your troubles away. You don’t need someone who lets you go during these times.

If the person lets go of you while you are feeling really down or depressed, it could make matters worse for you.

        6.      The ability to win trust and keep secrets

Imagine you had a nightmare, you woke up screaming and realized that it is 3:00 AM. You decide the next morning that you need to talk about it. But, think again.

Not everyone is going to be able to understand your nightmare or the fear that is associated with it.

So, when it comes to choosing a partner, choose someone who has won your trust and knows how to keep your secrets safe.

Someone who won’t judge you in those moments when you’re feeling vulnerable. You need a partner who is someone you trust and you know that all your embarrassing secrets
are going to be safe with them.

If you can’t find someone like that, we suggest you keep searching.

There is no point in being in a relationship where there is no trust. Without trust, there’s no possibility of love.
7.      The ability to talk you out of your trauma

Your partner may be kind and understanding when it comes to your anxiety and the way you are but, that may not be enough.

You need someone who can help talk you out of your trauma.

Holding your hands when you are going through a panic attack is cute but, you need someone
who can lighten up your mood after the storm is over.

Someone who is a great communicator or someone with a good sense of humour is highly recommended.

A person like that can fill your life with positive vibes and be the light in your dark tunnel.

Anxiety disorder is a real thing, and if you’re suffering from anxiety you need a partner that’s going to be gentle with you and you need to be gentle with yourself, too.

You have to understand that you are stronger, smarter and tougher than before.

What’s more?

You deserve to be loved and treated with kindness.

Remember, if you do need help please don’t be afraid to talk to a family member of loved one.

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about, and being kind can go a very long way.

Remember you never know what others are dealing with behind the scenes.

Do you struggle with anxiety, or know someone who does?

If you’re comfortable sharing, let us know in the comments section below, we would love  to hear from you.

Remember to stay positive and know that you are loved.